The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism
Written by Hailey Hacker
Psychology Student Volunteer, Journey Home Counselling Services
Perfectionism is often mistaken as a strength. We admire people who are driven and successful, and from a young age many of us learn that success comes from getting everything just right.
While having high standards can be motivating for some people, perfectionism goes beyond just wanting to do well. It can create constant fear of failure, disappointing others, or worrying that you are not enough. Ironically, perfectionism often does the opposite of moving us forward—it keeps us stuck.
Perfectionism can show up in many of our everyday habits, including:
Putting things off because you're afraid it won't be "good enough"
Over-analyzing small details
Never feeling satisfied, even after doing well
What’s Behind Perfectionism?
Rather than being driven by motivation, perfectionism is often driven by fear. It can develop from growing up with high expectations at home or within your culture, experiencing harsh criticism, or tying your self-worth to your achievements.
Social media can also reinforce perfectionism mindsets. When we constantly compare ourselves to other people's carefully curated lives online, it's easy to believe we also have to look, act, or achieve certain things to be validated or deemed worthy.
Over time, however, perfectionism stops being about excellence and becomes more about avoiding failure.
How Perfectionism Can Affect Your Well-Being
Over time, perfectionism can become emotionally exhausting, leading us to experience:
Anxiety
Burnout
Constant over-thinking
Fear of failure
Self-criticism
Perfectionism doesn't just affect how we feel, it can also keep us from fully participating in our lives. We may avoid trying new things, hesitate to share good ideas, or miss opportunities because we're waiting until we feel completely ready. The funny thing is, more often than not, we’re never completely ready for what life throws at us, so if we keep that same mindset, we’ll be waiting forever!
With perfectionism, the finish line is constantly moving. As soon as one goal is reached, another takes its place, making it difficult to feel satisfied for long.
Letting go of perfectionism does not mean completely letting go of your standards. It means setting healthy boundaries while learning to care for yourself in the midst.
The good news is that perfectionism isn't something we simply have to live with. Like many patterns, it can be recognized, challenged, and gradually changed. Here are a few ways to begin.
Tips to Overcome Perfectionism
Challenge Negative Thinking
Whenever negative thoughts or beliefs cross your mind, ask yourself whether there might be a more balanced way to look at the situation.
Aim for Progress Instead of Perfection
Growth happens through consistency, not perfection. Aim for progress instead of solely focusing on perfecting every step.
Celebrate Effort
Instead of focusing on only the end result, recognize the time, effort, and dedication that it took for you to reach as far as you have.
Practice Self-Compassion
Mistakes are part of being human. Speak to yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend.
Seek Professional Support
If perfectionism is contributing negatively to your mental health, then it may be time to talk to someone outside of your family or friends. A therapist can help you understand where certain patterns are coming from while providing you with practical tools to approach it differently. Journey Home Counselling Services offers compassionate support with licensed clinicians to help you get to the root of your perfectionist tendencies, develop healthier coping strategies, and build a more balanced relationship with yourself and others.
Perfectionism often comes at the expense of our well-being which is why it is important to prioritize taking care of yourself, including the way you speak to yourself. Learning, making mistakes, and trying again are all part of the human experience.
What could become possible if you stopped asking, "Is this perfect?" and started asking, "Is this enough to take the next step?"