Everyone's Running, But Where Are We Going? Breaking Free from the Pressure of Your 20s
Written by Hailey Hacker
Psychology Student Volunteer, Journey Home Counselling Services
Entering your 20s can feel like you’re competing in an imaginary race. Every day it feels like you’re met with online posts congratulating someone else's accomplishments. Someone just got their dream job, another person just got engaged while somebody else just started a business. Meanwhile, you may be wondering:
Why does everyone else have their life figured out except me?
The truth is, feeling behind in life is extremely common, especially in your early twenties. A decade that is often romanticized on social media can also come with confusion, comparison, and pressure. Society teaches us that there is a timeline we should be following, but life rarely unfolds in a straight line.
What This Can Look Like
Feeling behind in life does not always appear dramatically but can appear in subtle everyday moments.
It can look like:
Comparing yourself to friends online
Feeling unsure of your purpose
Questioning whether you are doing enough
Feeling embarrassed about where you are in life
Stressing when someone else has achieved a milestone
Why This Happens
Feeling behind in life often stems from social comparisons and pressure from the people around us. Social media has made it easy to compare other people’s success to your own. With everyone's best moments on display, it can be easy to feel like you're falling behind, even when you're making meaningful progress in your own life.
What we often forget though is that we are comparing our life experience to someone else's highlight reel.
There is often a societal expectation that your twenties should be the most productive years of your life, setting the foundation for your future adulthood. People are often expected to have their future careers mapped out, their finances in order, meaningful relationships in place, and a strong sense of who they are—all while appearing calm, confident, and emotionally well.
This is an extreme amount of pressure for anyone.
Common Patterns
Struggling to understand our place or purpose in life can lead to serious effects on our mental health. What starts off as occasional comparison can gradually contribute to increased stress, anxiety, self-doubt, and burnout. Some common mental struggles that come with feeling behind in life are:
Anxiety about the future
Constant overthinking and self-doubt
Low self-worth
Feelings of hopelessness
Loss of motivation
Perfectionism
Fear of failure
People often tie their self-worth to their achievements and when this happens, people often feel undeserving of something as simple as ‘rest’.
Breaking Out Of The Cycle of Comparison
It is important that once you recognize these signs, you act on them. Although there is no quick fix, there are practical steps you can take to regain a sense of direction.
1. Limit triggers
Pay attention to things that do not make you feel good about yourself. If scrolling on social media triggers comparison, focus on taking breaks and know your limit when using any social platforms.
2. Define success for yourself
Figure out what success means for you and what you envision for yourself. This will not look the same for everybody so ask yourself what you really want to achieve and focus on those individual goals.
3. Keep a progress journal
Sometimes our progress goes unnoticed because we are always chasing something else. Each time you accomplish one of the goals you set for yourself, make note of it.
This is useful to look back on when you feel like you haven’t made any progress and reminds you where you started from.
4. Focus on one thing at a time
Burnout often occurs when we take on too many tasks at once and neglect the proper wellness routines needed for our physical and mental health. Focusing on one task at a time can help minimize additional stress while allowing you to maximize effort for your goal.
5. Consider seeking professional support
If feelings of anxiety, hopelessness, or low self-worth begin affecting your daily life, seeking professional support may be helpful. Therapy can provide a space to explore these experiences, develop coping strategies, and build a healthier relationship with yourself. At Journey Home Counselling Services, our team supports individuals navigating life transitions, self-esteem challenges, anxiety, and the pressures that can come with feeling stuck or left behind.
Life is not a race, even when it feels like everyone around you is moving faster. The milestones you see online rarely tell the full story, and there is no universal timeline for building a meaningful life.
Growth is often quieter than we expect. Sometimes it looks like gaining clarity, setting boundaries, learning from setbacks, or simply continuing to move forward during a difficult season.
If you've been feeling behind lately, consider this your reminder that your worth is not determined by how quickly you reach a milestone. Your path is your own, and it is allowed to unfold at its own pace.